Why Are We Addicted To The Drama
What does Psychology & Neuroscience say about why we love to Gossip?
If one of your best friends does something stupid — there is a deep urge to want to tell someone else about it. If you have an awful week like poor Alexander and the Terrible; Horrible; No Good; Very Bad Day — you want to talk about it. It’s human nature, right?
Gossiping, bad-mouthing, complaining, and in today’s vernacular — drama seems to be everywhere. Let’s be honest, it feels great sometimes to just offload and release life’s pressure valve. But, is it good for us? Why do we do it? Where does this all come from? Is there a better option?
Geesh….Jordan!
Okay, let me back up here and give you some science on why we as beings love to linger at the coffee table dishing out all the dirty details.
WE LIKE GOSSIP BECAUSE IT MAKES US LIKEABLE, AND AUTHORITATIVE AND FEEL CLOSER TO THOSE WE SHARE IT WITH.
All gossip doesn’t have to be bad. You can gossip in a positive manner — where you amplify people, companies and their actions as a template for others to follow. This type of gossiping is referred to as constructive gossip. However, the dark side to gossipping and/or complaining can wreak havoc on social bonds and even your health.
Gossip tends to be a way in which we share opinions on the behaviors of others or events that we experience. On the other hand, complaining tends to be a personal (it can be used in groups settings).perspective on a life event. But, where they do cross lines is how they influence us from the negative.
Gossip evolved as a way a form of social glue. People wanted to know what others were doing, how they were doing it, and quite possibly - if they needed to change their approach themselves. So, when people obsess over fashion in the celebrity industry — it is about identity, shopping behaviors, feeling connected to celebrities, and quite possibly can induce a feeling of lacking something without those specific commodities.
It is an attempt to close the experience gap. It is what is referred to as the Halo Effect. We tend to overvalue obects, things, actions, and the words of those we look up to and desire them because we believe in the act of fetishizing those things — we can become them, and feel more valued and close to the meaning hidden behind the obect.
Gossip does all of this. So, what is going on the brain when we gossip?
Two separate areas of the prefrontal cortex get activated in response to positive and negative gossip: positive gossip activates the orbital prefrontal cortex region, while negative gossip activates the superior medial prefrontal cortex.
It really depends on what kind of gossip we are participating in. If we overhear positive gossip about us from others — we love it. It makes us feel great. But, when we hear it about others, the area of the brain that lights up shows that we actually enjoy hearing about how others making pretty bad decisions. Other people’s screw ups become our Friday night popcorn worthy films we devour without question.
This is why so many are interested in Adam Levine’s (lead singer of the band, Maroon 5) promiscous behavior. We enjoy seeing that our gods have clay feet. It’s also why some will watch hours of videos where other people hurt themselves - we find entertainment from gossip. Notice also, there is a taboo aspect to what we do when we gossip - we ethically judge someone’s behavior.
This is also why we like it when people gossip about us - because, we then feel like we have followed the social codes in place to make us feel acceptable and worthy. But gossip acts as a self-righteous filter that we use to also connect to those in our inner circle. This is the likeability factor.
Although, we tend to vilify those who gossip too much — as the gossiper, we want others to like that we have some inside information that they don’t have access to. We become self-important gatekeepers who contrive value from knowing how others should really act.
There is a deep sense of recognition that we all crave, and for some its found in being the village gossiper. Remember, negative attention IS still attention. The more gossip is perpetuated, the greater the possibility that judging others behavior ethically becomes part of the way to connect to someone.
The recognition as someone who has esoteric information about someone else leads us back to the Haloe Effect — remember that? People will then look to us as the insiders; those special people that we should look to on how we should really act in a community context.
It’s also why Reality TV shows were everywhere — as viewers, we could gossip behind closed doors about the choices of those we were watching and our opinions were the only right way for them to be. So gossip might have some underlying positive desires, but we have yet to learn how to do it well.
WE LOVE TO TELL STORIES, BECAUSE WE ARE STORIED PEOPLE.
Beyond the negative effects of gossip, there is something else that needs to be explored. The power of narrative. We are a storied species. We love hearing a great story. We love going to movie theaters and seeing stories. We like to sit around and share our stories with our friends.
One of many reasons we do this, is to learn how to be as people. They’re called mirror neurons (Yes, I know in some circles, they’re under scrutiny.). These are neurons that light up when we see others doing things we think we should be doing. Gossip CAN be a teaching moment. It can be a conversation about someone else where we learn something about ourselves. It can be a mirror into our own psyche, our own childhood, our own values and other things that make us messy beings.
Gossip can teach us.
Another element is that stories make us feel deeply connected. They can also give us a sense of safety about things or people in our environment. According to research, gossip could have evolved as a tool for us to know more about surroundings. Everything from strangers, who’s part of our tribe, weather (which could affect crops), access to food, where threats might have been found and how to get from A to B. In one sense, gossip acted like a directory board in a mall.
It was about knowledge that could save you. But, let’s be honest — knowing about Adam Levine’s infidelity doesn’t do anything to save us. Sometimes, this type of gossip is useless and exists to be a form of escapism.
Since we love stories — gossip can be the connective tissue of what makes us feel closer to our neighbor, or even how a stranger could relate to us. To throw away all forms of gossip might not be helpful - but to be aware of detrimental effects of gossip is a responsibly way to be.